I’m behind two days on Summing-Up posts, which isn’t easy even with a single post a day because it means catching up on 360 word posts and not just seven fifty word ones or whatever. I feel like I need more content than complaining about the brand of yogurt I’m currently eating. Though maybe next week. Maybe until then, it’s just a yogurt complaint blog.
I remember—fondly remember—the frozen yogurt craze of the late eighties. It was ice cream you could eat all the time. As a kid, I mean—I was excited; it wasn’t ice cream I could eat all the time, it was ice cream adults could eat all the time. Because ice cream shops are not adult fare. There’s no such thing as a trendy ice cream shop for adults. At least not a chain. Probably because you can’t get alcohol to fuse with ice cream properly.
Anyway, frozen yogurt—even before TCBY (ah, the eighties, when no one paused on the jingoistic chain restaurant name)—frozen yogurt was cool. But it wasn’t cool for very long. And you had to start going to the mall, which I did, because the white chocolate mousse with raspberry at TCBY was amazing. Also because even though I don’t feel like I grew up in a mall culture, the mall did have the Suncoast Video, which had all the best releases. By best releases I don’t mean finest films, I mean best EP $9.99 selection. I’ve been forgiving of low quality video for ages. It was the aspect ratio presentation I can’t forgive. Weak transfer—so long as it’s not something new or extremely expensive—weak transfer is fine. I’m seeing the movie, aren’t I?
But I’m not eating frozen yogurt, I’m eating Greek yogurt. Yogurt’s one of those health food staples people want to turn out to be a miracle food. It’s never quite the miracle. It never tastes as good as it should—rotted milk, right?—at least not without a lot of flavoring. Sometimes you can pretend it tastes good, but it’s never going to be raspberry white chocolate mousse because in order to make yogurt, frozen or otherwise, an actual dessert, you kind have to artificially flavor the hell out of it. And even then you’re basically just getting a multi-level guilty pleasure. Oh, sure, there’s protein and active cultures and whatever else in this yogurt I’m having, but it’s not a treat. It’s a passably palatable, ostensibly healthy, easy preparation breakfast.