I use quotation marks for smart because it’s kind of like that movie Smart People, which wasn’t about smart people. It wasn’t even written by smart people. Anyway. I sometimes have these “smart” ideas. Think piece ideas. Internet think piece ideas. I’d never write them because I don’t feel… qualified enough, informed enough, paid at all. But I had this idea about how privilege functions in life experience. But I’m not a think piece guy. I’m a “you know, the sticker sheet still looks cool with all the Spider-Man stickers taken off” guy.
I also am getting grossed out by “guy.” Honestly, if Clinton had won, I’d probably still be fine with it. But she didn’t and we’re on a rollercoaster ride round the rings of Hell and its burning off bullshit.
What’s wrong with “guy”? It’s gendered in a way women have been complaining about—on sitcoms even—for like twenty years. It’s a masculine… okay, I can’t remember what it’s called because I did terribly in Spanish and breezed through theory to speaking on French. But it’s when you’re rounding the group to the male default and, if called on it, coming up with an excuse—what’s wrong with guys, after all. Hey you guys. It’s in The Goonies. The Goonies weren’t the male… oh, wait, yeah, they are.
There’s another idea for a think piece. Objectification of women in kids movies for boys. Monster Squad is better for it than Goonies, of course, because Monster Squad is an ideological hot mess. I don’t think I’ve ever called anything a hot mess before, so Monster Squad gets that “honor.”
Back to guy.
Guy is the cooler version of “Joe Average.” But guy isn’t serious. Guy doesn’t take any responsibility for himself. Guy just skates by. At his best, Kevin Smith is a guy. Or would be, if he ever achieved his best instead of embracing his dumbest ideas and worst impulses.
So what’s a better term? Person? So formal. So formal. Person. I don’t know. In the context above, “guy” was more about getting out saying writer. Because the sticker thing requires at least one more sentence of explanation, but if you use guy in the initial context—when obviously talking about writing—and then again in the next sentence, guy brings the writing with it. Would person? I don’t know. Maybe next time.